Student: (hacking coughs)
The Teacher: Seriously.  Would you go over in the corner and choke?  I have had enough of your attitude.
S: (while coughing) Could I go get a drink of water?
TT: Absolutely not.  I don’t care what’s wrong with you.  Just stop interrupting me.

Today, The Teacher’s lesson is about the difference between skinny questions and fat questions.

I can’t even begin to know how to understand this.

My favorite bottled water in the whole world is made by Iceland Springs.  It is incredibly tasty and most delicious; no other water can ever compare.

Until today.  The Teacher informed me today that she lived in Iceland for two years, thus managing to taint not only my job, but also my hydration drink.  Dang.

The Teacher: Did the Egyptians use ziggurats?
Student: Um, I don’t think so.
TT: You’re right!  They used those big pointy things.
S: Big pointy things?
TT: Oh, what are they called…
Me: Pyramids.
TT: Yes!

Last year, The Teacher informed her students that carbon-14 was a powder that you sprinkled on an artifact to learn about it.  She enlightened this year’s students further on the topic.

The Teacher: Carbon-14 is a machine that tells you how old something is.

(later that same day)
The Teacher: Carbon-14 dating tells you whether something is an artifact, or a fossil.  It tells you what it’s made of, where it came from, and who used it.

The Teacher: So what part of speech is ’she’?
Students: (silence)
TT: (sings) ‘Conjunction junction…’
Students: (silence)
TT: Well, I think it’s a pronoun, but I’m not sure.

Student: How do you spell ‘thorough’?
The Teacher: How do you think?
S: Well, I have no idea.  That’s why I’m asking.
TT: (sigh) Fine.  T-H-O-R-O-U-G-H.  Are you happy now?

Student: When are we going to have fun in here?
The Teacher: If you’re in here for fun, then you need to go talk to your counselor and get out of this class.  Because learning is not fun in here.
S: I don’t know who my counselor is.
TT: Then that is a problem.
S: But what am I supposed to do?
TT: I’m not going to sit here and listen to you whine like a sissy.
S: Did you just call me a sissy?
TT: Yes.  Yes, I did.  Because that’s what you are.  You’re a little sissy.  Now pay attention before I write you up.
S: Please don’t write me up!  You can call my parents if you want – I’ll tell them whatever you want me to!  But if I get a referral, I’ll get kicked off of the soccer team.
TT: Well, then, I’m writing you up.  Why should I care if you get kicked off the soccer team?

The student in the conversation above is no longer in the class.  His parents called the school (shock!) and asked to have him removed.  The sad part is that I really liked this kid.

The Teacher: What is prediction?
Student: Is it like foreshadowing?
TT: Oh, gosh, no.  That’s way harder than what we’re going to do.  We’ll never get to that.
S: Oh.
TT: So, what is prediction?
S: Well, I thought it’s what foreshadowing did, but now I’m not sure.

Here’s a prediction for you – you will learn nothing in this class except false information.  Or maybe that’s foreshadowing.  Who knows.

The Teacher: Do you ever finish a book and think, “Oh, my god, what did I just read!”?  That happens to me all the time, because I never pay attention when I read.  Except romance novels.